


how i met your mother | 5sos

by gvitars



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Crossover, F/M, M/M, himym/5sos crossover, i may or may not make the episodes i choose the same as the actual episodes idk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 03:41:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3234950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gvitars/pseuds/gvitars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which five unlikely friends live eight years of their lives together, all because of one man's journey to true love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. author's note

in which five unlikely friends live eight years of their lives together, all because of one man's journey to true love.

**_i do not own anything how i met your mother related or any quotes from said show that may appear in this fanfiction. any persons, places, or things that actually do exist in real life that happen to appear in this fanfiction are coincidental. also, to anyone that has most likely made a fanfiction inspired by this show, i am not stealing any of their work, i'm merely adding on to a collection of these fanfics._ **

**I will not be doing every single episode, not will they be completely the same (I hope). I'm using scripts and episode references to create these chapters and I might change things around a bit.**

**luke's** **narration will be in bold!** **flashbacks** **will be dated and labeled** **sometimes, but if not, then they'll be** **_bolded and italicized_ ** **.**

please, do enjoy! xx


	2. character descriptions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: you don't have to read this part if you don't want to! this is just for my own sake haha. characters will be added as the story goes on.

**luke hemmings**  -

is like: ted mosby

age: 20

job: aspiring musician

hobbies: busking on the street, broadway fanatic, illegally drinking, staying indoors, accidentally finding ways to mess up on a first date

 **michael clifford**  -

is like: marshall erikson

age: 21

job: A&R assistant

hobbies: being luke's best friend, hating but loving luke, being sensitive about everything, writing songs about everything, dreaming of becoming famous

**ashton irwin -**

is like: lily aldrin

age: 23

job: painter

hobbies: annoying michael, making out with michael, having sex with michael, cuddling with michael, oh yeah painting, and being a tattoo artist on the side, kissing michael, talking with michael, drinking with michael, oh yeah talking about the future and kids and family and marriage and, did he forget michael

**calum hood -**

is like: barney stinson

age: 21

job: unknown

hobbies: ultimate f*ckboy, extremely rich, thinks father is mario lopez, obsessed with suits, quoting the bro code 24/7, partying, drinking, picking up chicks left and right, not-so-secretly wanting to see ashton's dick because ya know it's cool to swing both ways

 

*~*~*

  
**these next characters are made up but similar looking to celebs/people.**

  
*~*~*

 

**stella tessiere-**

is like: robin scherbatsky

looks a little like: bethany mota

age: 21

job: reporter

hobbies: being strong and independent and kickass, writing, trying to get on TV as a talk show host, drinking, being the hot girl of the group, being canadian


	3. season 1, episode 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n:
> 
> flashbacks = bolded and italicized 
> 
> luke's narration = bolded

2030:

Luke Jr. and Leia sit down on the worn out bundle of red leather their father calls a couch. Luke Jr. chomps down on a piece of gum while Leia checks on her nails.

Their father, his gray hair still styled in a quiff, shuffles in the living room and drags a chair in front of his kids. He takes a long sip of his coffee before clearing his throat and remembering what he brought his kids in here for.

"Kids," he starts with a smile, "I'm going to tell you an epic story: The story of how I met your mother."

The two look at each other with distasteful expressions. "Is this some sort of messed up intervention or something?" Luke Jr. asks.

"No," their father,  _Luke_ , chuckles.

"So... will this take a while?" Leia adds in.

Luke considers this, then smiles again. "Yes."

 

*~*~*

 

2005:

michael and luke's apartment

Michael pulls a small black box out from his pocket and opens it just as he goes down on one knee. "Will you marry me?"

Luke grins widely and gives his red-haired friend a thumbs up. "Perfect. Then you pop open some Bud Light, get drunk, have sex on the kitchen floor..."

His eyes widen in horror, then he looks back to Michael with a stern glare. " _Don't_  have sex on the kitchen floor."

With a laugh, Michael nods with reassurance. "I got it. Thanks for letting me practice with you."

Luke shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. "Shit, dude, you're getting engaged tonight."

"I know," he sighs. "Hey, by the way, what are  _you_  doing tonight?"

**Huh. What was I going to do that night?**

**Oh, right. I was calling up your Uncle Calum**.

"You know how I had this thing for blonde girls for a while? Well, I have a new type. Filipino girls. Filipinos are the new blondes of this generation."

Ignoring Calum's new interests, Luke asks, "If you're not up to anything tonight, wanna meet up at McHoran's?"

"Sure! Be there in fifteen. And suit up!"

 

*~*~*

 

Luke walks into the Irish bar, finding Calum at their usual booth. "Hi," he greets.

The raven-haired man looks up to greet the blonde happily, but his smile turns into a frown. "C'mon, Luke. When I say 'suit up', I mean it!"

Monotonously, Luke replies, "I did once."

"It was a blazer!" He exclaims in exasperation.

"I can't believe Michael's getting engaged. It was always Michael, Ashton, and I. Now they're gonna get married, have kids, grow up, and I'll become an awkward, middle-aged bachelor who goes by 'Uncle Luke'."

Calum groans and slaps Luke out of his daydream. "Do you remember what I said the first day we met?"

**_Sliding up to Luke_ _, complete with a milk mustache, in the empty booth, Calum throws an arm over his shoulders and says, "Luke, I'm going to teach you how to live."_ **

**_Luke side-eyes him with a confused expression. Calum rolls his eyes. "Calum. We met in the urinals."_ **

**_"Oh. Right. Hi."_ **

**_"Look, first lesson: don't drink milk. The fake mustache doesn't go with your suit."_ **

**_"I'm not wearing a suit."_ **

**_"Lesson two: get a suit. Suits are cool." Calum gestures to himself. "Exhibit A. And lesson three: don't get married until you're 30."_ **

Luke nods and raises the glass of beer Calum had placed in his hand. "Right. 30."

Calum rubs his hands together and stands up. "Good boy. Now, as your best friend bs wing man, we're going to play a little game I like to call,  _Have You Met Luke_?"

" _No_. You're  _not_  my best friend, Michael is. And we are  _not_  playing  _Have You Met Luke_."

He drags Luke anyway and taps a lady's shoulder. "Hi,  _haaaave_  you met Luke?" With that, Calum flees and Luke is left to awkwardly smile at this semi-attractive woman.

"Um, hi. I'm Luke."

"Dakila."

"Oh, that's a nice name."

"Thanks. It's Filipino."

 

*~*~*

 

Ashton walks into the apartment with a tired expression, slamming the door closed a little too loudly.

"Hey!" Michael calls out.

"I was teaching Kindergartners how to finger-paint at the studio today, and one of them decided to use me as a canvas."

Ashton opens his trench coat as he walks into the kitchen, revealing a purple handprint on his crotch. Michael giggles and turns back to the stove.

"You're cooking."

Proudly, Michael says, "Yup."

Ashton smiles and wraps his arms around Michael's waist, kissing the back of one of Michael's shoulders. "It's cute, but I'm afraid you might burn off your eyebrows again."

"I'll manage." Michael turns around and kisses Ashton. His finger slips on one of the burners and he jumps forward, holding his thumb in pain with a pout. "Ouchie!"

 

*~*~*

 

"Y'know, I'm really glad for Michael. Besides, settling down at my age is a sin, right?" Luke slurs, watching his half-full beer swish left and right in his glass.

"So you won't be settling in anytime soon?" Dakila asks.

Luke raises his eyebrows and shrugs. "Eventually, yeah. It'll be in the winter, hopefully it'll be snowing, only our family and friends will be there, and our vows will be hilariously witty and made by ourselves. I'll sing a song to her at the reception, she'll sing a song to me, because she's gonna be a lead guitarist in a band... ugh." He smiles apologetically at Dakila when she begins to chuckle. "Nothing's funnier than a guy planning his own wedding half drunk, isn't it?"

She leans forward on her arms against the table with a smirk. "No, it's kinda cute."

He scoffs and looks down into his drink. "Yeah, well, you must be drunk too." Luke raises his hand and calls out to the bartender, "One more drink for the lady!"

 

*~*~*

 

Due to Michael's tragic injury, Ashton takes over the cooking, and Michael sees this as an opprotunity. When his back is turned, Michael takes a deep breath in before going down on one knee. He clears his throat to grab Ashton's attention.

The dirty blond swirls around and gasps, covering his mouth with his hands and tears almost spilling out of his eyes. 

"Ashton Fletcher Irwin, will you marry me?"

He squeals, jumping on Michael. They both land on the floor with a thud.

 

**an hour later...**

 

They both rise from the kitchen floor with silly grins on their faces.

Michael looks down at the floor with concern. "Shit. I promised Luke we wouldn't have sex here."

Ashton points towards the fridge. "Did you know you have a chocolate bar under there?"

"Huh. No, but dibs! Grab the champagne, I want to drink a toast with my new fiancee." 

"Aww."

He stands up and tosses the bottle to Michael. He begins to try to pop off the cork.

"At first, I was scared of trying to pry this baby open. Now I don't see what's so hard about it."

All of a sudden, the cork flies off and Ashton screams. Michael's eyes widen and he covers his face in horror. 

"Shit!"

 

*~*~*

 

Luke finds Calum at the other end of the pub, watching as the bartender, Jimmy, and his girlfriend, Dakila, talk over the barcounter.

"I can't believe I asked Jimmy's girlfriend out."

Calum throws his hand in the air. "How does Jimmy land a Filipino girl?!"

"Why am I so impatient?" Luke asks himself, ignoring Calum. "You said it yourself, 'Don't think about it until you're 30'."

"The guy doesn't even own a damn suit," Calum grumbles, taking a long sip from his beer bottle.

"But Michael's already found the love of his life! I should be ready for my shot, right? If I were, which I'm not, but  _if_ I were, then where is she?"

He looks back at the bar, this time finding a group of girls next to the couple. In the midst of them, Luke's eyes land on a small brunette, skin as brown as a perfect cup of coffee and eyes as bright as the stars. 

**...and there she was.**

**It felt like something out of an old movie. You know, it's like when George from** **It's a Wonderful Life spots Mary from across the dancefloor. He didn't exactly do this, but in the old movies he'd nudge his buddy and say, "See that girl? I'm gonna marry her someday."**  

"Calum..." Luke says, half distracted. He pokes at Calum's arm, disrupting him from talking to a blonde. "Look."

He does, and he sees the girl Luke is staring at. Dissmissively, he responds, "Oh yeah, you know she'll like it dirty. Go say 'hi' or something."

Luke's eyes widen in panic, but Calum is already leading him to the bar. "N-no! I can't just say 'hi'! It's gotta be more causal than that. Maybe I'll wait 'til she gets a drink and I'll slide up next to her and say, 'I'll have what she's having', smirk, and-"

Unbeknownst to him, her group of friends sit at a booth near them. The girl stays by the bar and begins to order a drink.

Calum smirks and taps the girl, on the shoulder. She turns her head around and he says, "Hi,  _haaave_  you met Luke?" And he walks away.

"Hi." Luke scratches the back of his head in embarrassment.

She smiles. "Let me guess." She points at him. "Luke."

Luke chuckles and smiles as he nods. 

 

*~*~*

 

In a taxi cab outside the pub, Michael and Ashton sit in the back, Ashton holding an ice bag to his eye.

"Take us to the hospital, please," Michael requests to the cab driver. He turns to Ashton and grabs his hand, kissing the back of his hand. "I am  _so_ sorry, Ash."

"What happened? Did'ya hit her?" The cab driver inquires as the car starts moving.

Ashton snorts and settles down in his seat. "Hit me? Please! This guy," he points at Michael with his thumb, "couldn't spank me in bed, even for fun."

For emphasis, Ashton taps the ice bag lightly to show an example. "He'll be like, 'Oh Honey, did that hurt you?' and I'll be like, 'Oh come on, let me have it you wimp!'" His eyes widen in realization. "Oh, geez. Sorry. Heh."

The cab driver turns on the meter and shakes his head furiously.

"No, no, no, it's all right, go on. So, uh, are you usually fully dressed or do you take everything off during these spankings?"

Michael's face turns red, his fists clenching while Ashton blushes in total embarrassment.

 

*~*~*

 

Waiting for his drink, Luke asks  _Stella_ , "So, what do you do?"

"I'm a reporter for  _Kiro 7 News_."

Luke nods, impressed. "Ooh."

She chuckles. "Well, I'm the type of reporter that gets those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news, you know, like, um, a monkey who can play the ukulele, but I'm hoping to do some serious stories soon. Or maybe get my own talk show, if I'm lucky."

"A talk show? About monkeys playing ukuleles?" Luke jokes. Stella playfully glares at him and he laughs. "Sorry, you're really pretty." She begins to wave at someone, and Luke turns to see her group of friends. "Ooh. They don't look amused."

Stella nods. "Yeah. The blonde in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend so tonight, every guy is the 'enemy'."

"Maybe slapping me in the face will make her feel better," Luke suggests lightly.

"Oh my gosh, she would love that! Plus, I've never done it before, and it looks fun."

He hesitates for a moment, but pulling together all his courage, he says, "Are you free Saturday night?"

"I can't. I gotta cover some story about a guy in Orlando baking the world's biggest cookie. I leave on Friday for a week," she explain with a frown.

Luke furrows his eyebrows. "It takes a week?"

"Yeah," Stella laughs, "he's eating it too. Another record."

"What's taking so long?"

Luke and Stella look to see the dumped blonde friend with a large frown glaring at them.

Quickly, Luke tries again. "Okay, this is definitely a long shot, but is tomorrow night okay with you?"

She gives him a contemplative look for a few moments before whipping out her business card. "Sure, why not?"

Then she straightens herself out and gives him a hard slap on the face.

"Bastard!" Stella screams. She throws him a quick wink and whispers, "That was fun!" before walking away.

Calum comes up to him, trying to contain his laughter until he can't take it anymore. "Re-, wait for it, -jected! Rejected!"

Luke shrugs and replies, "We're going out tomorrow night."

Calum's grin flips into a sad frown. "Hey, I thought we agreed to play laser tag that night?" He whined.

Luke snickers. "Yeah, well, I lied."

 

*~*~*

 

**Kids, the next night, I took Stella out to a small bistro in Brooklyn.**

Looking at a blue french horn on the wall, Stella giggles and points up at it. "Isn't that so badass?"

Luke follows her gaze and nods with an amused smile. "Yeah."

He adds, out-of-the-blue (get it?), "It sorta looks like a Smurf penis."

**Son, let me give you a piece of advice. On your first date, don't say anything like "Smurf penis". Girls aren't going to like you any more than they do if you say that.**

Stella's eyes widen and she begins to muffle her laughter, spits her wine back into her glass, then starts to properly cackle again.

**Then again, she was no ordinary girl.**

 

*~*~*

 

Sitting down on Ashton's right side, Michael can't help but chuckle. Ashton wearing an eyepatch makes him look more like a pirate than he already did.

"Ash?"

He jumps, startled. "How long have you been there?" Ashton groans. "Dumb eyepatch."

The door swings open with Luke bending forward his upper body, his right hand attatched to the doorknob. "Mom, Dad, I've found the future Mrs. Luke Hemmings." He stands up and saunters towards Michael. "Mike, how have I always described my perfect woman?"

He grins and responds, "She likes dogs."

_**"I own five dogs."** _

"Um... she drinks scotch?"

_**"Scotch is life! Not the tape brand, but the actual drink," she joked.** _

"Can quote unknown quotes from  _Anchorman_."

_**"I have a nickname for my penis," a tiny giggle barged into her serious tone, "It's called The Octogon, but I also nickname my testie's. My left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noise Water."** _

Luke grins. "I saved the best one for last."

_**Picking at her plate, she squishes her nose and forks Luke all the olives from her plate. "Sorry. I just really hate olives."** _

Michael throws his hands in the air and shouts, "And she hates olives, sweet!"

Ashton joins in. "Ah. The Olive Theory."

_**Luke puts on a teasingly serious expression and she plays along.** _

_**"I made up this thing called The Olive Theory, based on my friends Michael and Ashton. Michael hates olives, Ashton loves them. It creates this perfect balance that makes them such a great couple."** _

_**She leans back and throws an arm behind her chair. With a smirk, she states, "I've got this jar of olives I've been meaning to throw out."** _

_**"I can take them off your hands."** _

_**Nodding, she says, "Deal."** _

Michael jumps up from the couch and pinches Luke's blushing cheeks. "Lukey's got himself a wittle girlfwiend!"

Ashton looks up at the clock with furrowed eyebrows. "Wait, you're home early. What happened?"

_**It's a cold night, and they're are walking back to her apartment, giggling every time they see their breath in the air.** _

_**"I gotta get me one of those."** _

_**He raised an eyebrow. "What?"** _

_**She gazed up at him. "A blue french horn."** _

_**"What, does it have to be exactly that? No orange trumpet? No pink saxaphone?" He smirked.** _

_**With a shake of her head, she says,"It's Smurf penis or no go."** _

_**A Kiro 7 News van pulls up to the apartment building and a producer hops out.** _

_**"God, there you are! We've got a jumper on the Manhattan Bridge and you're covering it."** _

**_A little startled, she replies, "Uh, yeah. I'll be there in a sec." She turns to Ted with an apologetic smile. "I gotta go. It was a wonderful night."_  **

Ashton and Michael lean forward from the couch in anticipation. "Did you kiss her?" they ask.

Luke shakes his head and the pair slump back against the couch. He says defensively, "Hey, she might be the one, remember? I want our first kiss to be romantic. Special. Memorable."

"So you chickened out like a little bitch, is that what I'm hearing?"

He stares at Ashton in shock. " _No!_  Ugh, you know what, I don't need your advice. You haven't been single since your last week in high school."

Ashton scoffs and rolls his eyes. "Luke, anyone, even single people, will tell you the same thing. If you don't believe me, call him."

**So I did.**

On the receiver, Luke can hear the shooting sounds of a laser gun and elementary-school-aged kids screaming wildly at each other. 

"Look who's crawling back, loser! Sorry you couldn't play laser tag tonight, because you're lame! Only awesome people are allowed anyway, so you wouldn't have gotten in."

Calum's voice sounds a little distant as he shours, "Killed ya, George! Don't make me get your mom!"

With a sigh, Luke says, "I need your opinion on something important."

"Okay! Bar. 15 minutes. Suit up!"

 

*~*~*

 

 "You're not wearing a suit! I've lost faith at this point."

Sitting around in the booth, Luke says to Calum, Michael, and Ashton, "Those two," pointing at Michael and Ashton, "think I chickened out. Did I? I mean, she didn't even give me any sign."

Calum scoffs and throws his hands down on the table. "What, is she going to bat her eyelashes at you in Morse code?"

He does exactly that ans says in a higher pitched voice, "Luke? Kiss me?" Back to his normal voice, Calum exclaims, "No, you just kiss her, dumbass!"

"Not if you get the signal," Luke insists.

Calum sighs in exasperation and spontaneously kisses Michael. "Look. Did he give me the signal?"

Michael's eyes widen, he looks at Ashton and says defensively, "No, you know I didn't!"

"But at least I sleep peacefully knowing Michael and I will never be a thing. You should've went for it," Calum finished.

"I'll kiss her in a week. She's out-of-state covering some cookie world record or something," says Luke.

"A week? She'll be onto the next guy by the time she comes back!" Calum says.

On the TV above the bar, Stella appears.

"There she is!" Luke points out.

Ashton smiles. "Aw, she's adorable! Jimmy, turn up the sound!"

_"...persuaded him to reconsider, at which point the man came down off the ledge, which results in a happy ending. Reporting from Kiro 7 News, back to you, Bob."_

Michael knits his eyebrows together. "Guy didn't jump, huh?

Luke stands up abruptly and states, "I'm kissing her now."

"It's midnight, dude, and as the most logical person here with the most stable job, I'm advising you to sit your ass down. That's crazy!" Michael insists.

Still standing up, Luke says passionately, "Yeah, well, I never do anything crazy! I'm always a step behind from the moment, either that or I'm planning it! Look, she's leaving tomorrow to who knows where and I've got only one shot at this. I have to do what that crazy jumper didn't do: take the damn leap!"

His friends stare up at him judgementally. 

"Okay, I admit, not the best metaphor because for that guy it was death and for me it's falling in love and getting married."

Calum shrugs. "Actually, it was okay." He raises his glass to Michael and Ashton. "Did I congraulate you two yet?"

Luke begins to walk out until Ashton calls out, "We're coming with you!" He drags Michael up from the booth.

"Calum?" Luke inquires.

Calum sighs and downs his drink. "Fine. But on one condition."

 

*~*~*

 

Sitting in the backseat of another taxicab, ecstatically, Calum hugs Luke. "Look at you, you beautiful bastard, you suited up! This is totally going in my blog."

"Stop the car!" Luke shouts, causing the car to screech to a stop. He jumps out and flies into the bistro Stella and he had dinner that night. He climbs up the same table, almost stepping into the current couple's pastas. "Sorry, pardon me, excuse me for a second."

He grabs the blue french horn and returns to the cab just as a waiter was chasing him out. "Go, go, go!"

His friends stare at him with odd expressions. He stares back with an oblivious smile. "What? Everyone always brings flowers."

 

*~*~*

 

The taxi stops right outside of Stella's apartment. Luke lets out a long exhale of breath before puffing up his chest and walking out of the car. 

Michael, Ashton, and Calum all cheer from the inside.

Luke's head pops back in and he says seriously to Michael, "When you're best man at my wedding, you  _promise_  you'll mention this in your speech."

Michael nods with a teary smile and shooes the blond away. "Go get her."

Before the door shuts, Calum screams in offense, "Hey, I thought  _I_ was your best friend! I'm gonna be the best man!"

**A million thoughts ran through my head. Life was going to change for me.**

**Although, I did forget one particularily important thought.**

_**"I own five dogs."** _

His eyes widen and he backs away from the door after ringing the bell. Her five dogs begin barking violently. Although he loves dogs - he had one as a kid - Luke was terrified of the idea of five, possibly large, dogs.

"No!" Ashton yells.

"Get back in there!" Michael exclaims.

"You're wearing a suit, for Christ's sake!" Calum screams.

Luke sighs heavily. Before he can even reach the front door again, Stella's window opens up. Her head sticks out and she says loudly, "Luke?"

He leans his head back and waves. "Oh, hey!"

As she smiles, Luke holds up the french horn. "I was just, uh-"

"Come on up."

 

*~*~*

 

Bored out of his mind, Calum tries to start up conversation with the cab driver, Naveen.

"So, Naveen, I don't suppose you've done it with a Filipino girl?"

Ashton groans and rustles his hair. "Okay, Calum's hit my limit. I'm gonna go find a bathroom."

He exits the taxi and Naveen responds, "Actually, I'm from Bangladesh."

"Are the women hot there?"

Naveen smiles and whips out hiw wallet, showing Michael and Calum a picture of his wife. "Take a look!"

Whispering with a disgusted expression, Calum says to Michael, "He could've just said 'no'." Turning back to Naveen, he whips on a sweet smile. "She's lovely."

 

*~*~*

 

"What brings you to Brooklyn at one in the morning in a ravishing suit?" Stella smirks.

Luke looks around, his hands in his pocket. "Uh, I came here to get those olives you were talking about earlier."

She nods in understanding as she heads to the kitchen. "Do you like your olives with gin and tonic?"

"Are you trying to take advantage of me?" Luke chuckles as he takes a glass.

Stella holds a finger to her lips in a 'shh' gesture. 

He smiles as she turns on some music on her stereo that obviously is her trying to 'set the mood'.

 

*~*~*

 

Calum groans in boredom and tries to sink farther into his seat. "Michael, this 'Olive Theory'... it's based on you and Ash, right?"

He nods.

"So you  _can't stand_ olives, correct?"

"Mmmmmhm."

Calum sharply sits up straight, his face in Michael's. "A week ago, we went to an Italian bar. I saw you with a  _bowl_ of olives. What up?"

Michael feels himself start to sweat, as if Calum was holding a huge lamp in his face. "I... uh- I... listen! You  _promise_ this doesn't leave the cab."

Holding his hand up, Calum swears, "I cross my heart and hope to die."

"Same," Naveen says, entering the conversation.

With a sigh, Michael begins his story. "On our first date, I ordered a Greek salad, you know, to make it look like I was a sensitive man; Lily asked if she could have my olives. So I said, 'Sure, I hate olives.'"

"But you like olives!"

"I was a virgin back then, okay?!" Michael squeaked defensively. He mumbles, "I'd been waiting my whole life for a hot guy to take my olives."

Deadpanned, Calum says, "A word of advice: Don't get married."

 

*~*~*

 

Feeling a little tipsy, Luke almost thought they were an old married couple as they swayed to some Frank Sinatra tune in the dim, candle-lit dark. 

"I think I like your 'Olive Theory'," Stella slurs.

He looks up at the wall above her fireplace and chuckles softly. "I think I like your new French horn."

Stella leans her lips onto Luke's nose and kisses it. "I think I like your nose."

Luke gazes down into her eyes and almost kisses her, but he says instead, "I think I'm in love with you."

_**Luke Jr. and Leia stare at their father in shock. "What?"** _

And so does Stella. "What?"

**And so does Michael, Ashton, and Calum a few hours later in the bar. "What?!"**

 

*~*~*

 

Michael's stomach begins to growl. He groans. Calum smirks. "Are you hungry?" Michael pouts and nods. "Hungry for olives, aren't ya, big guy? But you can't have any, because you're too damn scared."

"Of course I'm scared!" Michael smiles softly. "But when I think about the fact that I'm gonna be spending the rest of my life with Ashton, it doesn't scare me at all. I'm marrying him."

He looks behind him at the open window, seeing Ashton and knowing he must've heard everything. 

"Ashton... Ash, I like olives."

He shrugs and leans in to give Michael a passionate kiss. "We'll make it work."

 

*~*~*

 

Luke and Stella sit on opposite side of the couch, both as still as statues.

"Anaheim, right? Are you gonna hit Disneyland?"

She looks up at him with a somber yet shocked expression. "You love me?"

He covers his face with his hands. "Ughhh, I can't  _believe_ I said that. Why did I say that? No one says the first day they meet someone. I'm going, before this gets any worse." He stands up and takes a hold of the doorknob.

Stella calls out, "Wait!"

Luke looks back hopefully, but she's holding out a jar of olives. "I promised you these."

He smiles. "Right, thanks. Love you." He realizes what he's said when he opens the door. "What the hell is wrong with me?!"

 

*~*~*

 

Calum looks down at his watch and sighs heavily. "Look, if we leave now, we can make in time for last call at McHoran's." He smirks at Ashton. "Whaddaya say, Cap?"

Ashton flips the bird at him. "We can't just abandon Luke. What if he needs our support?"

Michael shrugs, looking up at Stella's window. "I dunno. It's been almost half an hour. Maybe they're doin' it?"

"Doggie style," Calum snickers.

"That's it, we're going!" Ashton states exasperatingly.

With that, Naveen hits the gas and the taxi takes off.

 

*~*~*

 

Just as the cab leaves, Stella is walking Luke out the building. He turns to smile at her and says, "Look, try not to tell your friends I'm a 'freak' or anything. I prefer 'unique'."

"Good night, freak," Stella smirks.

Luke scoffs and clutches his heart as if it were broken and swirls around to find his friends are gone. He sighs. "Stella, which way is the F train?"

She points to her right. "Two blocks and take a right."

He nods and begins to walk away. "Great. Thanks."

Barely walking more than ten steps, Luke shakes his head and stops, relieved to find Stella still standing there. "I need to explain myself real quick. Look, I suck at being single. I hate it. It sucks you can't tell a woman you love her when you've just met her, I wish you could. I will say this: I make a f*cking great husband. I can make this hypothetical woman that would bear me through everything laugh, walk her five hypothetical dogs, be a good father. And I'm a great kisser."

She rolls her eyes. "Everyone thinks they're a good kisser."

Luke points at himself with his thumb. "Oh, I've got references."

"Good night Luke," she sighs, shaking her head.

He walks back up to her and holds his hand out. "And I'm a great hand shaker."

Stella giggles and shakes his hand. Chills run up her back and she stares into Luke's eyes. "You do have a good shake."

 

*~*~*

 

**Remember when Michael, Ashton, and Calum all simaltaneously said "What?!" in the bar? Yeah, well, I finished telling them my story and they caught something I didn't when I was in that particular hand shaking moment.**

"That was the signal!" they all say in unison. It was starting to creep Luke out.

"It was a lingering hand shake, you should've kissed her!" Ashton exclaims in frustration.

"Okay, I know that I don't believe in 'the signal', but Luke, that was the signal," Calum cackles.

Naveen appears out of nowhere and sits next to Michael. "Yes, signal."

Jimmy comes by their table with a bottle of champagne and Michael nods. "Ah, yes, thank you Jimmy. Something I've been meaning to do."

"Shut up, Naveen," Luke grumbles. "You all weren't there."

Michael attempts to pop open the champagne bottle and succeeds without hurting anyone around him. Ashton smiles and leans his chin against his hand. "Sexy." His fiancee only laughs and kisses him.

Luke, now in total exasperation and desperation, insists, "That was  _not_ the signal. Trust me, I know  _the_ signal."

"No one cares, idiot," Calum says blankly.

Everyone except Luke raises their glasses. 

"To my fiancee!" Michael laughs happily, gazing happily down at Ashton.

Ashton, in the same tone, toasts, "To the future."

"To one hell of a night!" Naveen adds.

"That wasn't the signal!" Luke says one last time.

**It took a while, but years later, she said it was the signal. I could've kissed her, but I didn't, and that's the funny thing about destiny, it happens whether you planned it or not. I never thought I'd see her again, but I was looking too close at the puzzle to see the picture it was forming, because that, kids, is how I met your Aunt Stella.**

_**Luke Jr. and Leia's jaws drop. "Aunt Stella?" Luke Jr. asks.** _ **  
**

_**"This was supposed to be about how you met Mom," Leia grunts.** _

_**Luke rolls his eyes and tries to calm them down. "Relax, I'm getting to it. Like I said, it's a long story."** _


End file.
